An Essential Read For All Dog Lovers
This book helped me navigate the devastating journey of grief after losing my best friend
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Us dedicated dog ladies are seen as crazy or eccentric. I’m proud to be a crazy dog lady.
Puppies are scrumptious and delicious. I just want to gobble them all up. But older dogs — now they’re a special category all unto themselves—a refined taste, bringing splendour to our palate. A true delicacy.
Anyone who has ever had the privilege of walking through a dog’s sunset years knows only too well how expansive our golden oldies' hearts and souls are.
I recently read a book that was like a window into the essence of my mind. It captured the multifaceted beauty of life with dogs and how we gain so much more from our four-legged companions than we could ever return.
Walking alongside our dogs and witnessing their ageing process, which is about eight times faster than ours, is both a privilege and a heartache.
Still in the throes of grief after losing my 13-year-old boy, Zac, The Wisdom of Old Dogs by Elli Radinger inflated my heart with the love that had evaporated out.
I don’t believe we own our pets. I mean, technically, by letter of the law, we own them, and we are responsible for them. But I would argue that we can never own their spirit.
I consider myself a dog guardian, not a dog owner.
Even better, I like the word “Kahu,” a Hawaiian term meaning caretaker or guardian, which can apply to anyone who takes on a caregiving role for a human or animal.
I was Zac’s kahu, and in many ways, he was mine.
He was the gatekeeper of my heart, my fierce protector, my loyal companion, my adventure buddy and, towards the end of his years, my snuggle buggle.
There’s a special kind of communication between a guardian and their pets. And although Zac and I spoke different languages, we understood each other perfectly. Those of us attuned to our animals know their emotional state just by glancing at them.
I know many people who have dogs. But not all of these people take the time to truly connect with them. Rather, their dog is at the bottom of their familial hierarchy, and they regard those whose lives pivot around their dogs as being sad. Even a bit pathetic, or lacking in human connection.
For those of us who interlace our hearts with the heart of our K9 companions, it’s rarely the case that we lack human connection. Rather, we understand the profound meaning and love encapsulated within a dog.
We often choose our dogs over and above many people.
“Animals teach us to live without words, to listen to another form of consciousness, to readjust to new rhythms and to see with our hearts.”
Elli gets it.
The reading experience of her book is the equivalent of wandering through wildflower meadows at dusk, with our doddery K9 in tow.
Life is slower and more intentional with the oldie goldies—no chaos and mayhem from their younger years. Instead, we are graced with more placid deliberation and comfortable silence.
The backbone of her story centres around Shira, Elli’s yellow Labrador. We hear of Elli’s incredible life studying wolves in Yellowstone Park and how she left this dream job to spend more time with Shira.
Elli describes how she curtailed her life plans and adapted her lifestyle and home to accommodate the needs of her ageing dog. Many would roll their eyes and utter obscenities such as “It’s just a dog”, but there are those of us who get it.
The poem Just a Dog by Richard Biby articulates that it’s never “just a dog” inasmuch as it’s never just a sunrise, just a friend or just a promise.
Life can wait. Jobs will come and go. We will get other opportunities to do the thing. But we will never get more time with our dogs. And when they are gone, we will wish for just one more cuddle. One more walk. One more chance to bury our faces in their neck and inhale their sweet musk.
One more moment to tell them how much we love them, knowing they understand and the feeling is mutual.
In Zac’s last few months, I tried to burn his physical presence into my memory, knowing all too well that the day of his haunting absence was drawing closer.
Believe me, what I would give for one more moment with Zac. I fear forgetting the feeling of our enmeshed energies and the magnetic pull of locking eyes and exchanging adoration and love.
“It’s important to recognise that what gives our lives meaning is not our accomplishments, our appearance, or our achievements, but the depth and truth of our relationships with people and creatures around us.”
My Zac had a million different facial expressions.
Ask any other dog guardian, and they will tell you the same. And this isn’t just dog lovers being gooey and anthropomorphising our dogs.
We can tell when our dogs are smiling, frowning, flipping us the bird, or serenading us with love, all through the arrangement of their facial features.
A study in the Scientific Reports confirms that dogs intensify their facial expressions when interacting with humans.
As Elli suggests, dogs listen to us. We could probably all become better listeners by paying attention to dogs. In fact, I’d go as far as to say we could become better people by emulating our dogs.
I recently wrote a piece about the revered author and addiction and trauma expert Dr. Gabor Maté, who encourages us to find a more meaningful life through the mediums of fun and joy. Less work, more play.
If you don’t know how to tap into fun and joy, pay attention to your dog.
“Dogs let us become children again. a dog’s enthusiasm for the slightest bit of fun is infectious. Whether it’s a new toy, somebody at the door, or time for walkies…”
Even the oldies have a sense of humour. Sure, they may sleep more and sometimes lean toward the idiosyncratically grumpy slant, but don’t mistake the glint in their eye and beating tail for anything other than inner warmth.
If there’s one thing harder than saying goodbye to our beloved oldie goldies when the time comes to kiss them goodnight once and for all. It’s enduring a house that is no longer a home, week after week and month after month. Because how can mortar and bricks be homely without encasing the beating heart of a dog?
“The greater our love for our dogs, the more difficult we find it to cope with their impending death.”
Right now, I’m rattling around this empty house, devoid of the warmth that only comes with a pet. I can’t help but wonder, what worth is a life if it is not shared with a dog?
A huge thanks to Elli Radinger for helping me laugh and cry in the darkest moments of my grief. And to my beautiful friend Lizzie, who gifted me this book.
Thanks for reading.
Ali
P.S I wrote this last year, before I fostered and then adopted Little Lenny. Getting a new dog while still grieving an old dog is challenging. You can read about Lenny here.
I’m a Failed Foster Dog Guardian, and I Couldn’t Be Happier
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