Are You Open to Befriending Your Inner Child and Finding Peace?
Showing compassion to our inner child brings a sense of calm
We all have an inner child.
Over the last few years, I’ve been getting to know my inner child. Becoming acquainted with our inner child is crucial in the process of learning self-love. When we learn to listen to the whisperings of our inner child, we start to show ourselves more compassion and grace.
My inner child is sweet, doesn’t ask for much, and loves animals and nature. She feels her sweetness has been taken advantage of over the years.
So what exactly is an “inner child?”
According to IntergrativPsych an inner child is defined as:
“a part of your subconscious that has been picking up messages way before it was able to fully process what was going on (mentally and emotionally). It holds emotions, memories and beliefs from the past as well as hopes and dreams for the future.”
It is our inner child who remembers the hurt of being left out of a birthday party invitation when we were six years old. The same inner child recalls our dad throwing us up in the air and catching us, causing us to squeal joyfully.
When we are triggered in adulthood, it is often our inner child being jolted back to the sensation of a difficult memory.
Our inner child recounts the joy of lazy summer days, the smell of cut grass, and giggling with friends. It also holds onto feeling worthless and unloveable when left out or overlooked.
Learning to befriend our inner child is all part of our healing journey.
How I connected with my inner child
It wasn’t until I worked with a therapist that I learned to hear the soft voice of my inner child. You see, our inner child carries the burdens of old emotional wounds from our childhood. These burdens remain stuck, weighing us down unless we find a way to release them.
My therapist encouraged me to see the world through my eyes as a baby. What did the world look like? What did I need? What did I notice? How did my parents respond to me? Was I safe?
I’d never considered my own needs during this stage; rather, when I reflected on this period of my life, I adopted my mum's perspective and all the challenges she endured.
I ignored my own inner child. No wonder I felt irrelevant. I overlooked myself!
Taking the viewpoint of a tiny, helpless baby was an effective way to start to build a connection. It allowed me to find compassion for myself.
Once I had formed a connection with my inner child, I could take up residence within my inner child and relive experiences from this young child's perspective. My therapist and I are working through the years and untangling the knots.
During this process, my therapist asks open questions about feelings and emotions. She helps me explore hurts and joys and unpicks the complexities behind these.
I leave each therapy session slightly better acquainted with my inner child than before it started.
I can dive deep into my psyche and explore any emotions that arise by giving my inner child plenty of love, reassurance, and encouragement. I am in the process of breaking the hardened rocks of crushing hurt and slowly starting to put myself back together.
What I learned from my inner child
I’m still a work in progress. Aren’t we all? But I am grateful for starting this process in the first place.
I now understand my feelings of not belonging or mattering. I think I appreciate where my pervasive sense of knowing that I don’t fit in comes from.
By befriending my inner child, I am learning to recognise what I yearn for.
I have quietened my world, and in doing so, I can hear the subtle pulls in certain directions. And the more I listen and amend my life to suit my inner child, the more content and empowered I feel.
Is knowing our inner child a call to authenticity?
My inner child is teaching me to be true to myself and to make no apology for who I am. It teaches me to follow my heart and listen to and trust my instincts.
How you can connect with your inner child
To find self-awareness and be able to listen to our inner child, we need to give ourselves space. This can be done in many ways; try the following:
Meditation.
Practicing mindfulness.
Going on a nature walk.
Disconnecting from social media.
Slowing down.
It’s only when we listen with the intention to connect that we open ourselves to the messages of our inner child.
Feelings of dread about an upcoming social event might be our inner child asking us not to go. Maybe it doesn’t feel supported and valued by the people in this group. If we feel pangs of jealousy about a friend’s achievement, maybe our inner child is trying to point us toward something it wants to achieve for itself.
Deep friendship connections are only made when we can be vulnerable and ask and answer challenging questions. Have a dialogue with your inner child. Reflect on why you feel certain emotions. Ask your inner child about memories of anguish. Keep probing until you feel almost uncomfortable. Why, why, why?
It can be unexpectantly emotional when your inner child opens up to you; there may be tears, sensations of unburdening, or even anger.
Learning to dance with our inner child can be exhausting, so take good care of yourself and protect your energy.
Keeping a journal is a helpful way to deepen this reflective process and helps the work settle in.
What happened to you to make you the person you are today? Both your flaws and the parts of you that you try to hide? Your inner child has the answers.
When you befriend your inner child, you will find a greater acceptance and compassion for your shadow self.
You deserve to find peace
Kim McMillen has a gorgeous little book called When I Loved Myself Enough.
One of my favourite quotes reads:
“When I loved myself enough, I came to see emotional pain is a signal I am operating outside truth.”
What is your truth?
When I loved myself enough, I sat cross-legged on the floor and played with my inner child. I heard her whispering to me. First, in a shy, unsure voice. And now trusting and open. She made me cry with sadness and also pride. She has overcome some incredible things, and I can’t wait to get to the point where I can raise her up on my shoulders and show her the world!
Sit on the floor with your inner child and listen to what they say. What harm can it do?
“If you want to know where your heart is, look where your mind goes when it wanders.” - Vi Keeland
Have you had any experience with befriending your inner child? I’d love to hear your input in the comments.
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