Be Impeccable With Your Word
It is not for others to tell you who and what you are
“The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz is a short, easily digestible book. It serves as a compelling life guide.
In it, Ruiz speaks of 4 agreements.
Be impeccable with your word.
Don’t take anything personally.
Don’t make assumptions.
Always do your best.
Ruiz explains that we, as humans, are magicians. Our words hold the power to cast spells.
If a child is told they are ugly, they hear this opinion and grow up to believe it. They may be the most beautiful human on this planet. But they are now under the spell of another’s opinion. Or even just another’s obstreperous expression.
When we learn not to allow the words of another to penetrate our own self-worth and self-belief, we stand taller. We are not what others think of us.
People can pick away at our appearances or what they think they know of our personality and skills. But ultimately, they don’t know us. In fact, nobody knows anything; we are all just faking it till we make it.
The next time you feel the weight of criticism land heavily on your shoulders, ask yourself if the words of the purveyor are necessary, helpful, or kind.
For instance, it is necessary for your boss to provide feedback. But they can do so with compassion and encouragement and in a way that doesn’t quash your motivation.
But you don’t need to hear a “friend” or family member’s unsolicited opinion on your life or appearance.
Boundaries
My 30-year-old friend has recently learned to put a boundary up with her parents. She has a history of eating disorders, yet her parents always comment on her appearance and weight when she sees them.
Enough is enough.
With the help of a therapist, my friend’s ability to self-advocate has grown. Instead of becoming defensive and angry with their words, she could express how they made her feel. She outlined her hurt and the impact the words had on her.
Communication, my friends, is everything.
The way we speak to others and the way we listen.
I wish you the courage to have difficult conversations and the resilience to avoid harmful word showers.
Remember - always be impeccable with your own word.
Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed this piece, please subscribe to my newsletter.