Being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) Is a Super Power IF You Learn How To Protect Your Energy
Being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) Is a Super Power IF You Learn How To Protect Your Energy
1 in 5 people are an HSP and 30% of these are extraverted
Once I learned I was a highly sensitive person (HSP), everything seemed to fall into place.
As a child, were you told you were too sensitive on a regular basis? Maybe you are still told this. Do you consider yourself a deep thinker? Have others ever accused you of taking things too personally? Do you feel particularly intuitive to people and nature?
HSPs have an almost innate feeling that they are different and that they don’t belong.
The psychologist Elaine Aron, first coined the term “highly sensitive person” in 1996. According to Elaine, one in five people are an HSP. But don’t mistake being an HSP for introversion.
Where I sat on the introversion/extroversion scale is something that confused me. I used to be an extreme extrovert. You know - the first one dancing on a table at a wedding sort of extrovert. But I also love and need my own space, hmmm perplexing. My need for space has increased over the years, making me wonder if I was metamorphosing into an introvert. Or maybe I was an ambivert. Anyway, labels schmabels.
Then I learned about HSPs.
Both introverts and extroverts can be HSPs. Perhaps surprisingly, thirty percent of HSPs are considered extroverts. And interestingly, gender does not play a role in our likelihood of being an HSP
Being an extroverted HSP can baffle some folk around us. We put ourselves out there like extroverts but easily become overstimulated and overwhelmed, so we need to shrink away and recharge by ourselves, like introverts.
Understanding I’m an extroverted HSP has helped me understand myself and attune to my needs.
I want to talk about some signs to look out for to determine if you are an HSP and how you can make the most of this superpower. Even if you aren’t an HSP, I guarantee that someone close to you is, and this piece will give you a better insight and understanding of them.
10 signs you may be an HSP
In her book The Handbook for Highly Sensitive People, Mel Collins provides a comprehensive list of indicators of being highly sensitive. This was developed during her work as a psychotherapeutic counselor with HSP clients.
1. Empathetic sponges
HSPs are strong listeners and givers. Their friends and family often turn to them in times of crisis. Being around an HSP benefits others as HSPs soak up negative energy and bad vibes. People often feel energised and lighter after spending time with an HSP. Whereas the HSP can be left feeling saturated with negativity and drained.
HSPs absorb the cruelty of the world. They are particularly sensitive to stories of injustice and suffering, such as animal abuse, matters on climate change, and worldwide disasters. As you can imagine, this can lead to exhaustion and overwhelm.
HSPs are often hypervigilant to the emotions of others. They read facial expressions and slight changes in voice tone, causing them to be on high alert. HSPs can predict moods and emotions without the need for conversation. Often an HSP can read a room of people and know how everyone feels. This sensory overload can cause intense burnout.
2. Deep emotional sensitivity
HSPs feel their emotions deeply. Whether it’s love and joy or shame and unworthiness, these emotions cut them deep and can take them on a roller coaster ride.
HSPs often have a special connection with nature and animals. Many will have strong bonds with their pets and view these relationships as sometimes equally important as their human relationships.
This deep emotional sensitivity is perhaps most conspicuous during times of bereavement or loss. An HSP will hurt profoundly and sometimes become changed through grief, whether the loss is human or animal.
3. A strong sense of not belonging
Isn’t this what Abnormally Normal is all about? This very newsletter is to help those of us who feel like we don’t fit in by helping us feel seen and like we belong.
I have a sneaky feeling many readers will be HSPs.
Often this sense of not belonging originates in the biological family. But it can quickly lend itself to friendship groups, work environments, and social gatherings.
4. A difficult childhood
Not everyone with a difficult childhood is an HSP, and not all HSPs had a difficult childhood. But, many HSPs report experiencing a troubled time in childhood. This may be in the form of something that was done to us, such as verbal or physical abuse or bullying.
It can also be in the form of things that should have been said or done but weren’t, which constitutes emotional neglect.
5. Self-Esteem and self-worth issues
Feelings of low self-esteem and self-worth are often connected with our childhood. Not receiving the love and positive reinforcement to help us develop healthily can result in a lack of self-love. This inadequate love creates a pervasive and insidious feeling of not being good enough and can manifest itself in people-pleasing habits.
6. Relationship struggles
HSPs often find themselves in unhealthy relationships. It might be that they are in a romantic relationship with a narcissist or display symptoms of codependency. Often, HSPs may not even feel particularly connected to those they are in a relationship with.
An area that many HSPs struggle with is one-sided relationships. This can be in romantic and platonic relationships. You will know if you are in a one-sided relationship as it feels like you do all the leg work and the other person just turns up, takes what they can, and then leaves. There is a lack of reciprocity. You don’t feel seen or valued in these types of relationships.
7. Health issues
It’s not that HSPs have poor health, but they are susceptible to particular health issues. Firstly, HSPs are sensitive to pain. Next, they are more prone to chronic pain, fibromyalgia, insomnia, and irritable bowel syndrome complaints.
HSPs are sensitive to caffeine and alcohol.
8. Difficulty accepting the inner darkness
This sounds deep. We all have a shadow self. This is the part of us we are least proud of. Not everyone is all rainbows and puppy dogs all the time. Even the nicest person in the world has moments of jealousy and anger, frustration and shame.
An HSP feels deeply ashamed of their darker side and tries to suppress their negative emotions. In particular, they have great difficulty acknowledging or even expressing their anger. Suppressing emotions can lead to other issues, such as increased stress, frustration, and passive-aggressive behaviour.
9. Parenting parents or other family members
Mel Collins suggests HSPs are wise beyond their years. If they have parents or family members who lack emotional intelligence, HSPs can assume the role of the parent in the relationship. This dynamic can be fractious and lack fulfillment.
10. Feeling unfulfilled
HSPs have an innate drive for their lives to matter and to make a difference in the world. They may be activists, find employment in a role that helps others, or find their need for fulfillment through their hobbies.
If they don’t feel like they are making a difference, they will feel adrift, amiss, and unfulfilled.
Make sure your sensitivity is a superpower and not an energy drain
What do you think about the list of 10 signs you may be an HSP?
Did you identify with any of them? The more you relate to, the higher the chances are that you are an HSP.
If you are still not too sure if you are an HSP, you can take this test devised by Dr. Elaine Aron.
Being an HSP is a virtue. Even this article in Times magazine recognises being an HSP as a strength.
It reveals a new finding that HSPs receive a “Boost Effect,” meaning they get a greater benefit from things that are likely to benefit others too. Let’s consider things that benefit human beings; counseling, therapy, training courses, and any support. The benefit HSPs receive from this is boosted compared to non-HSPs.
Does this mean HSPs have more potential than non-HSPs?
Now I know I am an HSP; I have learned to put a few protective measures in place to keep my energy safe and help myself rejuvenate if I start to feel overwhelmed. These have worked for me; they may be helpful for you too.
I give myself time to decompress after social events. In particular, I need time between a hectic day schedule and evening plans.
I have stepped away from relationships that were all take and no give.
I recognise my need to get out for a run or walk every day.
I’m integrating meditation, yoga, and breathing exercises into my day.
I invest time in several projects that help me feel like I am making a difference and bring me a sense of purpose, fulfillment, and satisfaction.
I know to avoid particularly loud or chaotic environments without feeling guilty or antisocial. Or I recognise when I’ve had my fill and leave.
I don’t overfill the diary, especially when traveling, and I give myself plenty of opportunities to be alone.
I limit my caffeine and alcohol consumption.
What about you? I’ve just started the conversation. I’d love to hear from you. What tips do you have for protecting your energy and avoiding feeling overwhelmed and drained?
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Very thought provoking, as always. Love it so much, thank you Ali xox