How Tears Build Connection: Demonstrated by Artists Marina Abramovic and Ulay
I challenge you to watch this profound emotion without crying yourself
Sometimes, we all just need a good cry.
The start of my relationship with my husband was tricky.
Princess Jasper, my soul mate dog, passed away unexpectedly after my third date with my husband. Although new in my life, my husband picked up all my shattered pieces and put me back together again.
He was the one who stopped me from turning to alcohol to numb my pain. He gave me a safe place to land during my darkest days.
Perhaps what confounded my feelings for him the most was how tears fell down his cheeks in unison with mine.
While I sobbed with grief, he sobbed with empathy, and our love blossomed.
There’s a YouTube video that I find hauntingly emotional.
Even now, almost ten years since I first viewed it, it still brings me to full rolling tears.
Something mystical happens after I’ve watched this video and had my weep. I feel refreshed. Renewed. Reconnected with myself.
My tears are the tears of empathy, bearing witness to exquisite human connection and emotion. And still, they bring me a release. My tears boost my mood and help me feel happier.
Sometimes, tears are therapeutic.
In this YouTube video, we watch Marina Abramovic, famous for her live art performances, as she performs one of her most captivating acts, The Artist Is Present.
For three months, Marina sat in the centre of a museum, where strangers took it in turn to sit opposite her. Marina shared silent, intimate moments with hundreds of people. She gazed into their eyes, communicating only through a shared energy.
No words. No touching.
On the opening night of this performance, Marina didn’t expect to look up from her clearing pose to see the familiar face of Ulay sitting just a few meters away.
Marina and Ulay had been lovers.
They were so deeply in love that they described themselves as the “two-headed body.”
Until this shared moment, it had been 22 years since they’d last looked into each other’s eyes.
In fact, the last time they saw each other was in the middle of the Great Wall of China—a live art performance in itself.
They each walked from opposite ends of the Great Wall to meet in the middle. Initially, this was to be their wedding ceremony, but the universe had other ideas, and it became their official separation.
What we bear witness to in this video is the visible emotional and spiritual intimacy between two people.
They seem to be enveloped in love, not hurt, which makes me wonder if love carries greater longevity than pain.
These past and maybe momentarily current lovers silently behold each other, drawing deep breaths to soothe their nervous systems.
Tears sting their eyes.
Overcome with emotion, Marina breaks her no-touch rule and leans forward to clasp Ulay’s hands in hers.
And then it’s over.
They release their touch. Marina bows her head, wipes the tears from her eyes and regains composure. Ulay walks away.
There’s something deeply accepting and forgiving in this—a nostalgic and aching saudade love.
Marina’s emotions draw out our emotions.
Did you cry?
What message do you think Marina’s tears give to Ulay? While Ulay doesn’t release his tears, his eyes do well up.
This doesn’t surprise me, but did you know crying enhances attachments?
What captures my soul is how Marina uses her tears to convey profound love. Apparently crying with emotion is a way we communicate our sensitivity to others and build connection.
Marina’s tears show Ulay compassion. Is it a closure that we witness?
Can you imagine sharing a moment like this with a past lover?
No words. No accusations. Just a bonus minute to share in the united energy of your rusty connection. Perhaps even feel a flutter of a dormant love.
What might come up for you?
Sometimes, the vulnerable and exposing act of letting tears out is a way of letting people in. It certainly worked like that with my husband.
Tears are an effective and often subconscious way to communicate sensitivity and openness to others. They show we care.
And, as an added bonus, we will likely feel better after a good cry. Crying releases oxytocin and endorphins and reduces stress levels.
So whether your tears come from happiness, sadness, empathy or another place of deep emotion, keep them flowing.
It’s healthy to cry.
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