My brain is down a rabbit hole, help me decide if I can call myself strong
I completely get and agree with what you're saying. I wrote about something like this on Medium a while back, about how we don't even blink when saying / hearing things like, "She knows her own mind," or, "She'll want to maintain her own career," or, "She's opinionated and can be feisty." Flip those: He knows his own mind (we never say that unless "he" is a child); He'll want to maintain his own career (assumed, goes unsaid); He's opinionated and can be feisty (okay...)
All of that sounds condescending when talking about a man, but we do it regularly when it comes to women without even thinking about it. Any time any observation will be made about a woman, I think everyone should replace 'she' with 'he' in the observation. If it sounds absurd for him, it's absurd for her.